Cheeseburgers. Yum.

Call of the Cheeseburger

2006-05-30T15:56:00.000-03:00

These days, I have been eating considerably less Cheeseburgers. This is mostly because I want to enjoy them, REALLY enjoy them when I actually do have one. In that "close eyes, moan, blink, look at sandwich, close eyes, savour and shake head" sort of way. And so, it's abstinence for the most part.

As a result of this I tend to find myself aching for one by the time I get around to letting myself consume one. And I do mean aching.

It's like a drug that isn't required every day. It's utterly bizarre.

I'm feeling the Call of the Cheeseburger.

Inbox

2006-05-25T10:36:00.000-03:00

----- Original Message -----
To: Donna
From: Thérèse
Subject: The Perfect Cheeseburger

Someone I do not know who lives in Vancouver just emailed me to tell me that the perfect cheeseburger exists in Montreal, in a place called Cosmo's on Sherbrooke street W. Isn't that GREAT?!

----- Original Message -----
To: Thérèse
From: Donna
Subject: You have gone off the deep end

Doesn't it seem odd to you?????

Random cheeseburger crazy people are contacting you. Soon it's going to turn into a religious cheeseburger cult and you are going to find people holding up cheeseburger places for all their cheeseburgers and YOU are going to be the responsible one.

----- Original Message -----
To: Donna
From: Thérèse
Subject: Reason is overrated

Well, no.

As long as I'm the cult leader.

I dream of Cheeseburger

2006-05-05T00:02:00.000-03:00

And this is what it looks like.

-----------------

Floating Cheeseburger - Hi Therese.
Me - Whoa! You're a floating cheeseburger!
FC - Yes Therese.
Me - How is it that you are THAT enormous! You're like... the size of my head!
FC - Yes, I know Therese.
Me - Okay how do you know my name?
FC - Well, we've been talking about you.
Me - "We"?
FC - Over at headquarters. You're a girl who likes her Cheeseburgers.
(smiles, nods, as much as a cheeseburger can) We love that in a girl.
(winks)
Me - Hm. Go figure. So you approve then.
FC - Do we ever. You've increased our popularity.
Me - Huh. Didn't think I was making that big a difference.
FC - It's really a chain reaction thing.
Me - Oh.
FC - Just wanted to let you know.
Me - Ooookay. Um, thanks. I think.
FC - No, thank you. And here. Have a parting pickle. It's delicious.
Me - Mmmm, floating picccckllllleeee...

-----------------

I woke up before I could taste the pickle, which was momentarily
disappointing cause it looked damn good.

And again

2006-04-17T15:45:00.000-03:00

This is happiness in email form.

I will admit that when I first saw the words without the photograph, yes, it gave me kind of a start.

---------- Original message ----------
From: Naomi
Date: Apr 17, 2006 3:16 PM
Subject: Congratulations!
To: Thérèse

You Can Eat Me Now

Guess who had a Cheeseburger at 10:40pm last night.

2006-04-16T11:47:00.000-03:00

Go on.

Guess.

(pause)

YES! IT WAS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 3945459347578

2006-04-10T09:59:00.000-03:00

Lent has definitely served its purpose. Every single time I've wanted a Cheeseburger, I've said no to myself and been reminded of why I am doing this. That's a lot of reminding. I think about Cheeseburgers about once a day. Seriously. So it was a good choice for me.

But it will be over soon. All over. In less than one week. There are 6 days left.

I keep daydreaming about Cheeseburgers. Cheeseburgers dancing. Cheeseburgers laughing. Juicy, juicy Cheeseburgers. Yummy, yummy Cheeseburgers.

Sooooooon...

the light at the end of the tunnel

2006-04-04T11:47:00.000-03:00

I can see it. It is 12 days away. 11 if I don't count today. And who wants to count today? I mean, today is almost over! It's half... it's... it's just that... It's lunchtime.

In other news, check this out.

Major McCheese.

I wonder what an individual would have to do or how said individual would have to apply for a cheeseburger-headed mascot to become said individual's cheeseburger blog's cheeseburger-headed mascot. And I'm sure said individual would have no problem sharing, either. I mean, it's hypothesis. I'm just wondering, really.

The twitches

2006-03-29T15:49:00.000-04:00

You know how they say it takes 21 days to break a habit?

THAT'S A LIE.

It's been 29 days. Since it started on March 1, it's relatively easy for me to keep track. It ends April 16.

I have 2 weeks left.

More than 2 weeks.

The twitching has started.

And it isn't just for Cheeseburgers, although I miss them so much I could cry. (Thanks MlissLo for not having one today because you're pretending to be me because Shoeism is currently hiatusing. Don't think I didn't notice. I noticed. I love you for it.)

I miss coca-cola. I want to crack open a condensation-wet can and pour it into an iced mug, and I want to glug-glug. I don't even want to wait for the fizz to fizz down a little, I am looking forward to the choking bit in the beginning. I'm not even going to mention the rum that belongs in there.

And chocolate. I miss chocolate so much. Chocolate? I miss you. I love you. Never leave me, even though I have temporarily turned my back on you. I will enjoy you so much come Easter that I may go into chocoholic shock the next day. I'm not even kidding. I'm going to go ahead and schedule a dentist appointment as a pre-emptive strike for two days later. Hm? Why two days? Well, cause by then hopefully they will have revived me and my teeth will become an issue.

This is self-inflicted misery. I've never been public with it before, so it feels a little strange. But I put myself through something similiar to this almost EVERY YEAR.

Because I am stupid, yes.

Side effects

2006-03-24T13:36:00.000-04:00

In the passed week, a grand total of five people have accused me of losing weight.

That seemed like an excessive number of observations so I decided to look into it myself.

I put on my tightest pants (you know, those ones that you have to lie on your back to zip up and look really really great with a flowy top or a clingy turtleneck) and tried to breathe.

And could.

So there may be some truth to the comments. And apparently it is noticable. I can only conclude that because I am with myself every day all the time with almost no respite, I have simply not noticed. But now that it's been brought to my attention, I'm concerned.

I'm withering away to nothing! What's next? My butt? Will my butt go?!

This is upsetting.

Well. Not really. It would take a while for my butt to go.

This is most definitely a side effect of going Cheeseburgers-free for weeks. Cheeseburgers, coca-cola, chocolate (that's the most painful and I've fallen off the wagon 4 times), and liquor-free for weeks.

This is the side effects... of MISERY.

I will console myself with thoughts and daydreams of double Cheeseburgers come Easter morning.

Day 21

2006-03-21T09:38:00.000-04:00

I loathe AAFRHG. Loathe. You wanna know why? I'll tell you why. Oooooh I'll TELL you why. Picture it. You're hungry. You're me. You've been Cheeseburgerless for THREE WEEKS. And then... this. He knows I'm Cheeseburgerless, too. He knows, the bastard.

AAFRHG - (comes into my office, eating a, *breath catches* Cheeseburger) Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........
Thérèse - (mouth falls open)
AAFRHG - (mouth full) This is sooo good...
Thérèse - (almost cries)
AAFRHG - That's what you get for calling me a tea fairy*!
Thérèse - (mouth starts to water against its own will)
AAFRHG - (leaves, chewing loudly and obnoxiously)
Thérèse - THAT'S JUST CRUEL YOU KNOW!

The worst part was that it smelled like Cheeseburgers in my office for minutes.

*A few days earlier, he had left a new and exciting kind of tea for me in my office for me to find the next morning. It was a compliment!

Day 14

2006-03-14T15:02:00.000-04:00

But who's counting.

I am buckling under peer pressure. It is list day according to Cols.

List of things I miss about Cheeseburgers:

1. The first moments that I have one in my hand and I talk to it for a second, hoping no one will notice.
2. The taste. OOH THE TASTE.
3. Flipping a Cheeseburger upside down, that fraction of a second before I sink my teeth into it. Mmm.
4. The fact that each Cheeseburger is different and unique and has its own special appeal to it.
5. EATING THEM

I need to stop there. Before I fall off the wagon.

Day 7

2006-03-07T16:12:00.000-04:00

This is really hard.

Twice already I have almost caved. I have sweated over this for a grand total of about three hours since it all began. And it is only day (looks at calendar) seven.

I mean, I knew it would be hard, but this is really, really, really, hard.

The first Cheeseburger I eat once lent is over will be... orgasmically good.

I'm pretty sure God is cool with that sentence.

Day 3

2006-03-03T09:16:00.000-04:00

Lent. That special time of year where you deprive yourself of stuff you love for over a month. To meditate, learn to appreciate and be able to put yourself in others' shoes. Well, that's what I do anyway.

This isn't a religious post. I just wanted to let you know that until Easter, I am giving up Cheeseburgers. So don't be too surprised if there aren't any posts here for a while, unless I fall off the wagon, trip over any Cheeseburgers with my mouth or something else equally freaky and Cheeseburgers-related happens.

(If you actually are curious and feel like asking me about it, you're welcome to do so in email.)

Testimony

2006-02-23T10:34:00.000-04:00

It's true, ladies and gentlemen. I mean, I wasn't sure I believed it. I will admit that I was pretty skeptical at first. But it's true.

DQ^TM Cheeseburgers are, in fact, so ridiculously delicious that they may be the best Cheeseburger in town.

THEY JUST MAY BE.

The only problem I had with the one I consumed yesterday was pacing myself. Cause frankly, sometimes I just want to shove the entire thing in my mouth and chew.

Oh, that's a lie. The other problem was the classic debate that happens each time I get a Cheeseburger and still have room in my tummy afterwards: Do I go for dessert, or get another Cheeseburger?

Fact

2006-02-20T11:40:00.000-04:00

Cheeseburgers bring people closer together.

It's true, all. Read this and you'll see.

(winks and waves to TTD)

Commercial

2006-02-14T10:32:00.000-04:00

You know that Dairy Queen^TM commercial?

The one that starts off with two chocolate dipped cones that turn into Cheeseburgers?

That commercial makes my toes curl. For real.

On the message board

2006-02-03T12:46:00.000-04:00

On my message board at work, now:

Updated from the other day.

(Pssst. Don't know who AAFRHG is? Click here.)

I insist.

2006-02-01T12:03:00.000-04:00

Cheeseburgers are a vegetable.

Oh, I could.

2006-01-27T11:35:00.000-04:00

Colleen -
Could you, Rezzie? Could you, would you with a goat?

Thérèse -
Well.
I think the correct answer is no. I mean, I get the distinct feeling that I should answer no.

Colleen -
But the willingness to attempt it?
Apparently you can order your burger however big you want it.
Kinda bummed that we don't have an In & Out burger here....
Maybe it could be somewhere new for you to try when you move out to Cali?

Thérèse -
Ok, but I wouldn't be advised do it alone.
Or without a video camera.

Colleen -
I understand. Something that mythical needs proof.

Thérèse -
Yes. Cause that would be the obvious reason for documenting this particular feat.

That Cheeseburger is my Everest.

Think about it.

2006-01-26T16:16:00.000-04:00

"You have a cheeseburger blog, Thérèse."

"Yes."

"A whole website, dedicated to cheeseburgers."

"Well, I Call them Cheeseburgers with a Capital Cause I think that's funny. But yes."

"That's weird."

"I really don't see how."

"Think about it."

"..."

I really don't see how.

On the message board

2006-01-18T11:02:00.000-04:00

On my message board at work:

I think it sends a positive message to passers-by and standers-by.

This just in...

2006-01-16T11:28:00.000-04:00

Cheeseburgers cure the common grade headache! It's been tried, tested and it's true!

And if you don't believe me, that's fine. Give me your cheeseburger.

If it's true

2006-01-06T16:41:00.000-04:00

If it's true that everything can be a verb, I'd like to be Cheeseburgering at the moment.

The best way to start off the new year.

2006-01-02T14:55:00.000-04:00

Really though.

When Cheeseburgers call

2005-12-29T23:19:00.000-04:00

I have a new nickname.

Him - Heya, Cheeseburger.
Me - Hi. I gotta go.
Him - Oh?
Me - You just reminded me.
Him - Of...
Me - Cheeseburgers, you ninny. I haven't had one in days. I'll call you later.

My new nickname is dangerous.

Pretty soon this sentence will be more impressive

2005-12-22T09:26:00.000-04:00

Perpetuating the Cheeseburgers Conviction since 2005.

I strongly suspect...

2005-12-19T15:25:00.000-04:00

... that I may have been a Cheeseburger in another life.

Definition

2005-12-16T08:58:00.000-04:00

Definition of restraint*

NOT eating a Cheeseburger, when Jenn is enjoying one delicious, cheesy, gooey cheeseburger right in front of you.

*Only possible if you know you're going to be enjoying a Cheeseburger and orange drink yourself later on.

Death by Cheeseburger.

2005-12-15T11:09:00.000-04:00

That's right, I said Death by Cheesebuger. I mean it. I can't think of a better way to go.

And I'm not the only one. Cool, eh?

Tally

2005-12-14T09:32:00.000-04:00

Since starting this Cheeseburgers Blog

94 Cheeseburgers-related conversations
15 17 21 Cheeseburgers eaten by persons not myself, that I know of, as direct result of Cheeseburgers-related conversations

I think that can be termed "success."

I just don't.

2005-12-13T09:53:00.000-04:00

If loving Cheeseburgers this much is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Therese vs. Cheeseburger

2005-12-12T09:46:00.000-04:00

It was a cheeseburger day. CBD.
About mid-cheeseburger, I realized, with horror, that I... (breath catches)
I... (bites lip)
That I... (looks up)
I was ... (sob)
... no longer hungry.
Don't judge me.

I stared at it, in panic.
I looked up at Jenn.
I looked at it. Beautiful, beautiful cheeseburger.
It looked at me.
Then, she looked at me, with a peculiar look on her face.
I looked back at Jenn with panic.
She said, rightly so, "Why are you snaking on fries, when there is a half eaten cheeseburger in front of you!"

Well, that snapped me out of it, dear readers.

Guess who won.

Go on. Guess.

(wipes mouth with a smirk)

Dream job

2005-12-09T11:42:00.000-04:00

To be a giant Cheeseburger.

I used to want to be a giant dancing cake, cause it looked like fun, (Derek just couldn't understand that, even though Naomi did, and wanted to be a giant dancing taco herself), but now? Now, I want to be a giant dancing cheeseburger.

I think they'd give you free cheeseburgers. And if there's anything better than cheeseburgers... it's free cheeseburgers.

If only...

2005-12-08T10:45:00.000-04:00

If only Cheeseburgers grew on trees. I'd plant a row of Cheeseburger trees. Maybe even have a Cheeseburger tree plantation.

(daydreams)

Wow.

Poetry in motion

2005-12-07T13:21:00.000-04:00

Now in pictoral form.

Slogans

2005-12-06T16:50:00.000-04:00

Cheeseburgers. They're what you want. Wait, no. They're what I want. I want a cheeseburger. Give me a cheeseburger.

Cheeseburgers. Ultimate and supreme happiness in drippy, drippy sandwich form.

Cheeseburgers. They make everything better.

Cheeseburgers are the new black.

A Cheeseburgers Poem

2005-12-05T10:04:00.000-04:00

Cheeseburgers, cheeseburgers
How lovely thou art
Cheeseburgers, cheeseburgers
Make me so smart
Cheeseburgers, cheeseburgers
Tasting so sweet
Cheeseburgers, cheeseburgers
Anything but neat

Cheeseburgers, cheeseburgers
Oh so very cheesy
Cheeseburgers, cheeseburgers
Make me seem greedy
Cheeseburgers, cheeseburgers
You are soooooo yummy
Cheeseburgers, cheeseburgers
Get into my tummy!

Serious about Cheeseburgers

2005-12-04T01:18:00.000-04:00

Hi.

Me again.

Just posting here because I wanted to let whoever stumbles by here that YES. I am SERIOUS. about CHEESEBURGERS.

Because cheeseburgers, accompanied with a nice orange drink, are the best thing anyone ever thought of.

And I love my roommate for saying she'd take meat out of the freezer for me.

Cheeseburgers, here I come. Yum.

Top Places to get a Cheeseburger

2005-12-02T16:41:00.000-04:00

the bbq. homemade cheesey cheesey Cheeseburgers. you can put more cheese than others do here. and melt it. and ooooh Cheeseburgers are good.
harv's. greasy, greasy Harvey's. oh, harv's, you make the best Cheeseburgers.
the cafeteria up at the student union building on campus. the only thing wrong with their Cheeseburgers is the bread. kaiser, you see. it's just too much bread. not enough Cheeseburger.
mcdonald's. mickey d's is disgusting in every single way possible, yet still, manage to make very, very delicious Cheeseburgers.

Things I love as much as I love Cheeseburgers

2005-12-02T16:25:00.000-04:00

lists
shoes
cheese
adding more blogs to my blog list (I am up to 20, baby)
more Cheeseburgers

Cheeseburgers. Yum.

2005-12-02T16:15:00.000-04:00

Need I really say more?